The Savvy Sonsie Bride: 2012

Monday, August 20, 2012

"When Love Looks Differently Than You Expect"- Part 2

And we're back!! I love, love to encourage you ladies to wait and believe for God's best. You were made for intimate relationship. First with the One who knows you best--God. And in keeping with the theme of this blog, I believe that you were also made to have a special and unique relationship with the man that God has been preparing you for.

You haven't come to this blog by accident. No matter how despondent you may feel towards marriage, I'm here to tell you that it will be a glorious gift for you. You have not been forgotten about! And it's never too late for your romance story to begin!

As you wait for the gift of your marriage to arrive, continue to enjoy life in the now and prepare you heart for the good, good loving to come. But don't forget to lavish in the good, good love that you have in your life at this very moment.

For those of you that have chosen to wait and not get caught up in a lot of relationship drama in the goal of preserving your heart's affection for the real deal, what I can tell you, is that it will be so good that you won't have a lot of drama and baggage to bring into your new love story. And if you do have baggage, let today be the day your healing journey begins.

I was recently chatting with a beautiful sweet lady friend of mine the other day, and she shared how shocked a particular male friend of hers was that she didn't have a lot of drama and baggage like most ladies he'd seen or dated. And her wonderful and bold reply to him was, "Yeah. I have my stuff together."

I absolutely love that. She wasn't saying that she didn't want a man in her life, but she was saying that she so welcomes the presence of a good man in her life that she doesn't want to waste time hashing out tons of baggage and drama issues with him, but wants to spend more time enjoying his company and the love that's being fostered in romance, when that relationship comes.

As you already know, one of my favorite things to do in life is to pray for future marriages. And to encourage ladies that are on the journey of waiting to be married, whether they are single or in a dating relationship, but especially if they are over the age of 30.

I myself, being 32, am waiting for my own love story to unfold, but I have been encouraged this year like never before that my own love story has not been forgotten about by God. No. Nothing dramatic has happened just yet. Believe me, I would have let you know! But I do look forward to the day I become a "Savvy Sonsie Bride" and have the privilege of sharing those photos with you ;)

With that said, if you desire prayer and encouragement regarding your own love story. Feel free to shoot me an email message: thesavvysonsiebride@gmail.com I'd love nothing more than to pray for you and with you on this journey!

We now resume the wonderful love story of Mercedes and Herbie. And how God orchestrated something so bold, so new, and of course...so unexpected...

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What is the very first thing a bride-to-be should tackle in planning her wedding?

"Why are you getting married?" If you cannot honestly answer that question or if you don't want to reflect on the answer, stop planning. The next thing to tackle would be Godly counsel from people who can be trusted to speak into the lives of the bride and groom. Next would be lots of prayer. I am not being pat. Pray over the details, invite God into the planning. You would be thoroughly amazed in the ways that God shows up in these just very beautiful, intimate ways. From the caterer to the photographer, he is more than pleased to delight you in the small ways that he consistently shows up.

Who were you top 3 favorite Vendors (Photographers, Catering, Location, etc.) of your wedding day?

I wanted something very simple and intimate. My best friend is an event/wedding planner and I still had all my original stuff from when the first wedding date had been cancelled. (chuckles) I didn't have to do anything but pull stuff out the basement and closet. We got married in my aunt's backyard, which was fitting since her prophetic dreams had played into the big day.

What was your favorite part of your wedding day?

The simplicity of it all. I had asked God to put together the day as he saw fit and he did. It was lovely but in a very simplistic way. It made me think that we make these weddings into something I don't know they were intended to be. There weren't a bunch of strangers and long lost friends surrounding us, but people who really walked with us closely in our lives. It was about two people taking vows before God and family. Nothing was missing. What could be more beautiful than that? It was just so reassuring.

What are 3 key things to remember for a bride approaching her own wedding day?

You will get nervous. You will self-doubt over details, yourself, your mate, your in-laws, you name it- but somewhere in all of that is a chance for you to exercise some faith and trust, that God has you, that you aren't big enough to mess up his plans and everything will fall in place as it should. Remember that. Relax into that mindset. Appoint somebody to remind of you of that.

What can women do that are in "waiting" for God's best? What are some practical things they can walk out?

One thing that was really helpful to me was posting scripture on my bedroom wall and closet door. I rephrased the scripture so that it spoke directly to me every morning. I posted this, "Being single means I am called to an extraordinary purpose. It means I can serve God without distraction." That helped me on the days that I felt lonely. It helped me on the days when I was tempted to believe the enemy's lies, that I was unattractive, forgotten etc etc. It also gave me joy, that there was more to life than sitting up waiting for some man. That God had plans for the day and we had things to do and places to be, it made it so adventuresome.

I also had deliberate dates with the lover of my soul. I dressed up as I would for a suitor. From perfume to manicured toes. It may sound ridiculous but it works. I learned that if I could not serve, respond, entreat the lover of my soul; then I really couldn't expect to do those things for a mate. God is first. He really does want and desire relationships with his children where we seek him as the giver and not just his gifts. The gifts are like side dishes, but Jesus? He is the whole enchilada!

And lastly, from your heart, what do you want to say to all of those amazing ladies in waiting?

Trust him. Spend some time reflecting over your relationships with others. Are there places that are still hurting, hidden and undisclosed? How do you react in a moment of fear, anger, disappointment? These questions lead you to places that you will have to go, if you desire a healthy relationship with a life partner. Week one of the marriage is probably not the place for them to come toppling down and unfold. Do the work. People just slap the scripture around, "He that finds a wife, finds a good thing." But we overlook that the husband found a wife. Meaning she was already equipped in that vocation AND she was a good thing. The two go together. Instead of concentrating on being found or being a wife. Ask God to shape you into a good thing. You won't be disappointed at all.

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Thank you Mercedes, for encouraging us and sharing your beautiful and divinely orchestrated love and wedding story! May God continue to bless your amazing marriage! xox

Saturday, April 7, 2012

A New Love Story! "When Love Looks Differently Than You Expect" - Part 1

It's with great delight that I share a new love story! I want to thank Mercedes Miller for being so transparent and vulnerable with us. As you read this story, quiet your heart and simply listen. Some of what Mercedes speaks of, you may feel is only for those spiritual heavy weights. But believe me it's not. I believe there's something distinct in her love story just for you.

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I'd love for you to briefly share your journey of romance before you got married. And how old you were when you were married.

I was 33 years old when I got married.

Three years before I ever met Herbie, my aunt told me about a dream she had. In the dream a man of mixed heritage was in pursuit of me and we were seated in a booth that had red leather. According to my aunt, the man proclaimed that he wanted me and my two children.

Three years later, after a friend's insistence that I join her out for an evening of karaoke, I was seated in a booth that had red leather seats and here was this African-American/Puerto Rican man approaching me. I remember thinking he was just very sweet and tender. We were introduced, or rather re-acquainted, as it turned out that he was the neighbor who lived across the street and up three houses. I had no idea that he had a crush on me. We danced the rest of the night and I guess you would say the rest is history, but it was a very complicated history...

What drew you to your husband? And how did you know you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him?

I did not know I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. In fact quite the opposite was true.

He was not a Believer and I was doing a cat and mouse dance with Jesus. One foot in, one foot out... I just was not trusting of God at this point in my life. Within three months of meeting Herbie, I discovered I was pregnant. The same aunt who had prophetically told me about this man, also forewarned me about the pregnancy with the admanant rebuke that I not "do anything with the baby".

I was very scarred from my first marriage, which had been incredibly violent and the result of my direct disobedience to God. I had two young daughters to care for, with another baby on the way and I just was not sure about this new man. Out of sheer obedience and faith, I carried the pregnancy to term and we forged a family. Yet, I was hidden, withdrawn and very skeptical on the inside. On the outside, it seemed all good.

We made wedding plans for September 12, 2008. I kept pushing for the wedding because I did not want to live in sin, not because of an overwhelming love or desire to spend the rest of my life with anyone.

However, none of the plans would come through. Herbie's nephew died the week we were due to get married, which spiraled him into a deep depression. His nephew had been one of four surviving members of a car accident that orignially resulted in Herbie losing his mother, two cousins and an uncle. The loss of his nephew just reopened that wound of loss and I did not know how to reach him.

I was in survival mode myself. The one thing I did hear clearly, was God telling me to call off the wedding. It was the very thing I did NOT do the first time I was to get married. I thought, "Oh boy. Here we go again Jesus." But, I clearly felt God asking me --was I going to repeat the same sin again? All I had was my broken life as an answer-- No.

I sent text messages to family and friends, called everything off. Moved out of the house we shared and found myself homeless, taking finals at the end of winter, while my 3 daughters and I shared a motel room. Over a very stoic year of rebuilding my life, Herbie and I were able to form a friendship based on our mutual interest, daughter number 3.

Since, I was not interested in a relationship with him, it made it easier to relax, to be myself, to share my God and be forward about the primary relationship in my life.

From time to time, Herbie would mention how he wanted to marry me, and I would just think, "this dude obviously does not get it." At one point, God had given me a beautiful picture of this brown woman, full of laughter and love. She was a helper to Herbie. I shared this vision with him. I told him, "Herb, God has an amazing woman for you and I am going to pray her into your life."

He just looked at me so dumbfounded and replied, "How do you know you aren't the brown girl?"

Again I just thought, this guy is nuts! He doesn't get it! But it was a 3 year journey, for me to get it. Herbie asked me to marry him 3 times. Each time it was in the early part of Fall. Each time I told him no. I just did not believe he was what God had for me.

I now realize that God was wooing me, healing me, allowing me to walk in singleness in a way I had never done before. When Herbie proposed again in 2011. I knew that God was saying this is what I have for you. It was the first time I had opened up and really allowed myself to confess how much I did love Herbie.

I remember God asking me, "At what point did you know you loved me?" My thoughtful response was, "after the break-up with Herbie, when you moved me from the motels to a nice home. I could really trust you because you answered that question and fear of abandonment."

Then the Holy Spirit asked me, "and when did you know Herbie loved you?" And I remembered just the clear picture of being pregnant and Herbie tied my shoes because I couldn't reach them and it was this act of tenderness that I never experienced from the father of my other two children.

And then, the last question. "At what point did you close off to Herbie?" It was the day my youngest daughter had ran up to Herbie's car when we were dating. It reminded me of the way she greeted her father and without saying a word to anyone else, I determined we would not be hurt like that again.

However it wasn't a "we" situation, it was really "me". I had a heart issue and it took God 3years of careful and deliberate refining to prepare me for what he had in store all along. He literally preserved our wedding date for 3 years. Putting everything in place so that when we entered the covenant, it would be with a surety and commitment for all time. I could not and should not have married that man before September 26, 2011.

Did you feel pressure from family or society, to marry earlier in your life? If so, how did you deal with the pressure?

I don't know that I felt pressure from others to get married. What I did feel was an obsession with other people's opinions about me personally. I did not like the stigma of being a single, african-american woman with children. It made me feel shameful and embarassed.

Even when Herbie and I reunited, I was feeling anxiety about what other people would think or say. I had to disconnect myself from my girlfriends and spend a time of prayer and intercession with God. I wanted to make sure I was doing his will and not my own and I had to lay down my esteem for man. It was another level of trust between me and my heavenly father.

Have you always had the desire to get married? Why or Why not?

I never envisioned or had romantic notions of marriage in that sense. It was a matter of fact thing for me. Either it is or it isn't. I didn't realize that my hardened attitude towards marriage was the result of my own broken and damaged heart.

When I started visualizing me and Herbie 20, 30, 40 years down the road, it both scared and excited me. For so long, I hadn't allowed myself those kinds of dreams. Today, I am just amazed at the certainty of God's plans and I am enjoying marriage very much. I never thought it could be this way.

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Stay Tuned for the last section of this story series:
"When Love Looks Differently Than You Expect"- Part 2!

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Inspiration

I've been spending countless hours on Pinterest. It's definitely my current addiction. If you don't know what Pinterest is, it's basically "Fantasy Football for Ladies". You'll understand that statement once you visit the site. Here's a link to my Pinterest page, just to give you an idea of what you're in for.

But what I've gathered most about my time on Pinterest is that it functions much like an "Inspiration/Vision Board". You know, showing the things you'd like to accomplish most in your lifetime.

It does something to the soul to see images that inspire you and affirm your character, personality, and destiny in some way shape or form. That's the power of images.

With that said, before we go into our next love story of a bride over the age of 30. I wanted to simply show pictures of such brides, to help give us all that boost of inspiration and encouragement that we need.

In about a week, I'll be 32. And yes, I'm still VERY encouraged about marriage and how God will orchestrate my own divine romance. And I'm also encouraged for you. The fact that you are reading a blog like this shows that your heart hasn't given up on love either. Into the adventure we go!

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